Northern Exposure 309 Get real.txt

[318][337]- Hi.|- Hi!
[337][368]- Our bus broke down.|- Oh.
[369][403]- Is there a town nearby?|- Yep. Just keep on goin' this way.
[404][432]- Is it far?|- About a half mile.
[433][463]- You need any help with that?|- Oh. Nope. Just about got it.
[464][483]Well, thanks.
[484][502]You're welcome.
[503][522]Bye-bye.|Thank you.
[542][567]- Thank you much.|- Thanks a lot.
[594][622]- See ya!|- All right. Thanks.
[623][650]Bye.
[1151][1175]Mornin', Cicely.|This is Chris in the Morning.
[1174][1198]Today, we'd like to extend|a hearty K-Bear welcome...
[1199][1230]to the Ludwig Wittgenstein|Masquerade and Reality Company.
[1230][1267]The water pump on their '68 Blue Bird|school bus gave up the ghost,
[1267][1294]and the troupe's gonna be with us|till a replacement can be found.
[1295][1333]So, any listeners who are flush in auto parts,|please check your inventory.
[1334][1363]Let's help these good people|get the show back on the road.
[1363][1391]In the meantime,|their misfortune is our serendipity.
[1392][1446]Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,|the circus has come to town. Whoo-whoo!
[1474][1511]When I read that they were starting|the memorial archive, I was so pleased,|especially their scheduled,
[1511][1539]Mom, can I go to the store?|Okay, but come right back.
[1540][1577]-I need my allowance.|- I already gave you|your allowance.
[1578][1603]- That was last week.|- You sure?
[1619][1640]Well, okay.
[1652][1680]- Nina.|- I know, I know. No candy.
[1764][1793]"Enrico Bellati".
[1794][1820]Marilyn. Marilyn Whirlwind.
[1845][1868]I'm available,|but I'm not interested.
[1939][1971]Yes. Yes.
[1972][2015]Yes. Yes, yes, yes.|Hey, Marilyn.
[2016][2040]My med school alumni news,|Get this.
[2041][2068]Evan Arnold, right? Guy in my class.|Rich kid. Connected, you know?
[2069][2101]Always cutting corners.|Old Evan joins the naval R.O.T.C.
[2101][2130]Thought his family could get him a job|in Bethesda because of George Bush.
[2131][2160]Get this, they sent him here.|Alaska.
[2161][2190]Where?
[2191][2225]- Some place called|Naval Station Adak.|- "A-dak". Cold.
[2226][2250]- Yeah?|- Windy, no trees.
[2251][2288]All right. Yes. Yes.|There is some justice in the world.
[2307][2332]No. No!
[2333][2367]Howard Bateman?|I can't believe it!
[2368][2405]This guy couldn't tell a migraine|from a subdural hematoma.
[2405][2435]- I had to coach him|through physical diagnosis.|- We're out of gummed labels.
[2436][2470]Howard Bateman is an associate|with Reed, Feinstein, Powell.
[2470][2510]This is the top, I mean, the top|internal medicine group in New York City.
[2511][2543]Howard. Howard is dealing|with bona fide interesting cases.
[2543][2572]I mean, he probably takes care|of Liza Minnelli, Calvin and Kelly Klein.
[2573][2597]I bet he pulls in 150 grand a year, easy.
[2598][2619]Maurice needs some more|antifungal cream.
[2620][2662]Yeah, there you go, right?|Antifungal cream. That is what I do.|I treat athlete's foot.
[2662][2686]I treat ringworm, minor burns,|scraped knees.
[2686][2732]Every once in a while I get lucky.|I mean, something really challenging|like an ingrown toenail or eczema.
[2732][2756]I'm not a physician.|I'm a medic.
[2756][2798]Meanwhile, my classmates,|people with far less abilities than myself,
[2799][2826]are carving out|major lucrative careers.
[2827][2849]What happens to me?|I'll tell you.
[2850][2890]When I finally complete|this indentured servitude, no one's even|gonna remember who Joel Fleischman is.
[2890][2923]- What? Who's the guy?|- The Flying Man.
[2924][2954]- The what?|- He's with the carnival.
[2976][3017]Now, think how old you are.|Really concentrate.
[3017][3060]Visualize the number|in your mind's eye,|but don't tell me.
[3060][3083]- Here.|- All right. I like this.
[3083][3104]- What's that?|- Fried burrito.
[3105][3136]- You were supposed to|get steamed vegetables.|- They didn't have any.
[3136][3171]One of those pieces of paper|has your age written on it.
[3172][3208]You are now gonna throw the dart|and hit it.
[3209][3233]- Aw, come on, man.|Get out of here.|- No, no, no, no, no.
[3234][3252]Following the Heisenberg|uncertainty principle,
[3253][3274]I use a dimensional|space-time equation...
[3275][3303]to figure out the intersection|of the dart with the target.
[3304][3328]- For dessert, I want you|to have a piece of fruit.|- Wait a second.
[3329][3363]With a dimensional space-time equation,|you still only get a probability wave.
[3364][3387]- Whoa. No flies on you.|- Dad?
[3387][3410]Wait a second.|You're right.
[3411][3434]But in quantum physics,|there are no absolutes.
[3435][3483]In a space-time continuum,|you've already thrown that dart.
[3483][3512]- What?|- Can I play pinball?
[3513][3545]Sure. Don't forget|to do your homework.
[3546][3570]Wait a second, man.|You're still on shaky ground here.
[3571][3601]In the many-worlds|quantum interpretation,|there's two realities,
[3602][3636]one where I throw this here dart,|and one where I don't, right?
[3637][3670]- It's just a trick.|- Right. Incoming, Al!
[3671][3690]- Let it fly!|- Whoo!
[3691][3718]All right.|Now, let's see if it works.
[3718][3740]Here we go.
[3741][3771]- Tell me how old you are.|- Twenty-eight.
[3790][3821]Twenty-eight! Excellent, man.
[3821][3853]- You had this on you all the time, right?|You pulled a switch on me, right?|- That's right.
[3854][3882]That's good. You're good.|That's really good.
[3883][3908]Yeah, well, thanks.
[3909][3949]- So where did you go to school?|- Wheeling Central|Catholic High School.
[3949][3980]Well, a year there and then a year|at the Wheeling Youth Authority.
[3981][4005]It was more like a,|you know, work camp.
[4006][4034]- I meant college.|- Mmm. I didn't go.
[4035][4069]- Well, where'd you|pick up the physics?|- Self-taught. How 'bout you?
[4069][4090]Uh, college. Purdue.
[4091][4118]Got my doctorate at Berkeley.|That's where I met my wife.
[4119][4144]- She had a fellowship|at Lawrence Livermore.|- Oh, cool.
[4145][4166]How'd you get in the big top?
[4167][4198]Well, uh, we tried for years|to have a baby...
[4199][4223]and didn't think we could.
[4224][4251]Then, boom, along came Nina.
[4252][4274]She really made us take stock.
[4274][4298]You know, academic life|can be so insulated.
[4299][4329]We wanted her to get a whiff|of the real world.
[4329][4363]- Wow. Man, that's admirable.|- It wasn't a sacrifice.
[4374][4393]Physics always made me anxious.
[4394][4431]On the subatomic level,|everything is so bizarre,|so unfathomable.
[4432][4464]With magic,|you have some control.
[4511][4536]- And one for the lady.|- Thank you.
[4558][4601]- Shelly?|- Mmm. My feet.
[4601][4628]The heels are too high,|and my feet slide down to the tip,
[4629][4655]and my toes get all crunched up.
[4656][4674]They're killing me.
[4675][4698]Forty bucks down the tubes.
[4709][4747]My mom always wore|these real pointy spiked heels.
[4747][4771]One time, she threw one at Dad.
[4772][4806]It would've put his eye out,|but she missed|and put a hole in the drywall.
[4807][4835]And that shoe hung there for weeks|like a picture hook,
[4836][4855]till Mom cooled down.
[4856][4887]Anyway, you should see Mom's toes.
[4887][4932]They look like big bird claws,|all knotted up with all these corns.
[4932][4952]Maybe they're bunions.
[4953][4979]Anyway, she finally had to|have an operation.
[4980][5009]No way that's happening|to my dogs.
[5009][5046]My feet aren't gonna be|any victim of fashion.
[5046][5065]Hand me that sock, babe.
[5076][5095]- Holling.|- Huh?
[5095][5122]- My sock.|- Oh, sure thing, babe.
[5171][5192]Careful.
[5193][5212]- I got it.|- Okay. Easy, easy, easy.
[5213][5241]- There you go, Dr. Fleischman.|- I got it.
[5252][5283]- That was the last one.|- Okay. Thank you, Ed.
[5284][5313]I've been meaning|to get into this stuff|since I got here.
[5323][5351]Ah. Oh, yeah. Here we go.
[5351][5381]"Clinical Physiology of Acid Base|and Electrolyte Disorders".
[5382][5400]I love this stuff.
[5401][5434]"Rheumatic Diseases:|Diagnosis and Management".
[5435][5464]- You're gonna read all this?|- I'm not just gonna read it, Ed.|I'm gonna devour it.
[5465][5487]I'm gonna digest it|and regurgitate it.
[5488][5513]Oh. Why?
[5514][5545]- You ever see, uh,|Birdman of Alcatraz?|- Oh, sure. Burt Lancaster.
[5545][5574]Right. There's Burt,|sentenced to life in prison,|no hope of parole.
[5575][5602]- But did he succumb to despair?|Did he give in?|- Oh, no.
[5603][5630]- No, he didn't.|What'd he do?|- Raised pigeons.
[5631][5662]Exactly. He used his time|to better himself.
[5663][5690]I'm gonna use my time|to better myself.
[5691][5713]I have three months|to assimilate all this.
[5714][5746]Then I'm gonna take|the board certification exam|in internal medicine.
[5747][5780]- Oh.|- Yeah, Ed.|And here's the beauty part.
[5781][5806]Once I get certified|in internal medicine,|I'm gonna subspecialize.
[5807][5834]I'm gonna take the boards|in endocrinology.
[5835][5875]Endocrinology. It's, uh, growth,|aging, weight loss. Huge market.|You can't go wrong with endocrinology.
[5875][5901]Sounds really good, Dr. Fleischman.
[5901][5930]You bet. By the time I leave Alaska,|I'll have the knowledge.|I'll have the credentials.
[5931][5957]I'll take the New York|thyroid community by its throat.
[5957][5987]There won't be anyone who won't know|who Joel Fleischman, M.D., F.A.C.P. is.
[5987][6020]- Well, all right!|- Now, Ed, you understand|this won't come easily.
[6021][6054]I mean, these tests are conceived|by brilliant, but I mean bitter,|bitter old guys...
[6054][6091]who take great pleasure|in concocting the most obtuse,|arcane and tricky questions.
[6091][6110]I'm gonna have to study|night and day.
[6111][6136]I don't want you t...